The Self-Care Epidemic Hiding in Plain Sight
A Burned Out Mother and Her Young Child
The Epidemic of Unintentional Self-Care Neglect: Why Modern Mothers Are Burning Out
As a nurse practitioner with nearly 30 years in healthcare, I’ve seen countless health crises. It took two patients in one night to begin to recognize the epidemic hiding in our hospitals, our homes, and our mirrors—one that’s affecting women across all demographics, with Generation X women hit hardest.
Several years ago, while working the night shift as a hospitalist, I admitted two mothers in their mid-forties within hours of each other.
One had suffered a heart attack. The other had attempted suicide.
When I listened to their stories, they were nearly identical. Both juggling careers and families. Both running on empty. Both putting everyone else first until their bodies and minds gave out.
That’s when I started paying attention to the patterns.
After almost thirty years in healthcare, I recently came to the realization I’d been treating symptoms…I was missing the issue.
The Patterns of Burnout
The stories became a broken record. Women are balancing work and taking on more of the household load, while organizing everyone else’s life, often forgetting their own basic needs.
These two women and many who came after them described what I am calling the classic symptoms of unintentional self-care neglect: feeling numb, moving from task to task without thinking, not sleeping, and over- or under-eating.
One detail that stuck with me? The holes in one of these women’s socks and underwear were because she forgot to buy replacements. Every resource went to everyone and everything else first.
Like so many women with similar stories, she had become invisible to herself.
Research confirms what I was seeing clinically. Forty-two percent of women report experiencing burnout, a rate higher than that of men. Women aged 35-44 experience extreme stress at higher rates than any other demographic.
While this affects mothers of all ages—from young moms just starting families to Generation X, women caught between caring for children and aging parents—the data shows women in their prime caregiving years are suffering most.
This isn’t individual failure. It’s a systematic breakdown.
Why Modern Mothers Can’t Stop the Cycle
I saw the patterns early in my own life. Like every other woman, I buried my head and moved on. I have a background in public health and have almost three decades of clinical experience. I could diagnose the problem in my patients, but couldn’t stop it in myself.
Whether you’re a working mother, stay-at-home mom, or single parent juggling it all, the programming runs deep. We’ve been conditioned to believe that everyone else’s needs come first.
My body finally forced the conversation this year. Two cervical spine surgeries gave me nothing but time to sit with how exhausted I was to my core.
During recovery, I realized something crucial. I knew what was happening to me. But I didn’t know HOW to stop.
I lost the skill of stopping…or maybe…I never had it.
Most self-care advice assumes women just need permission or motivation. That mostly misses the point.
Most self-care advice assumes women just need permission or motivation. In my opinion, that mostly misses the point.
Women experiencing this self-loss have been programmed to function at unsustainable levels. They’re wired to prioritize everyone else first.
Breaking that programming requires the same approach used for any behavioral change in healthcare. You acknowledge the problem exists. You want to change. Then you take baby steps to improve.
Not the dramatic life overhauls that set women up to fail. Simple, achievable wins that build momentum.
Where Self-Care Meets Service
This epidemic is precisely why I founded Aesthetics Anonymous, based on the principle that self-care should never require choosing between caring for yourself and giving back to others.
We’ll explore how seasonal transitions trigger predictable patterns of burnout among working mothers, such as the back-to-school chaos in September. October’s shorter daylight hours can affect your energy levels. November’s family dynamics during the holidays. December’s pressure to create perfect experiences for everyone.
Here is one thing I’ve learned: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s strategic. When you’re whole, you serve everyone better.
A 12-Month Guide to Overcoming Self-Care Neglect
Over the next twelve months, I will do my diligence to provide content that is interesting, insightful, and, at times, give you a much-deserved chuckle. We will discuss strategies that seek to work with your real life, not against it. Whether you’re managing a career, staying home with kids, or doing both, these aren’t expensive spa retreats or impossible morning routines. Just practical tools for women who’ve forgotten how to put themselves on the priority list.
From this moment on, I want every woman reading this to understand: It’s okay not to be OK. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. I have struggled with this and have only made small strides towards improvement, thanks to the help of good friends and training to become a health coach. Communicate with your family about what you need. And honestly? Don’t give two $hit$ what anyone else thinks.
If you see yourself in those hospital stories or feel connected to this post in any way, start by removing the easiest thing from your list. Three PTA committees? Say no to one. Extra non-essential workgroup at the job… think hard about that. Stressing about putting nutritious meals on the table every night — PB&Js or whatever you have to make sandwiches work just as well if it helps you get a few quality minutes of “me” time.
At work, when I hear colleagues going down the rabbit hole of trying to be everything for everyone 24/7, I ask one question that stops them in their tracks: “Is missing your child’s game or adding that extra committee going to be on your tombstone?” Nope, didn’t think so. It took me decades to realize this. Pick the low-hanging fruit first to step away from. Your future self will thank you for taking the first step today.
Ready to break the cycle of self-care neglect? Subscribe to the blog and follow this 12-month series as we tackle this epidemic one practical step at a time. When you take care of yourself, you’re not being selfish—you’re being strategic.
About the Author
Dr. Stefanie Glenn, DNP, ANP-BC, ACNP-BC, FAANP, is a dual-board-certified nurse practitioner and Fellow of the American Association of Nurse Practitioners with nearly 30 years of clinical experience in both the public and private sectors. Her work has required her to travel worldwide, responding to health crises while raising three children with her husband of over 26 years. After requiring two cervical spine surgeries in early 2025, she founded Aesthetics Anonymous, a philanthropy-driven practice that makes aesthetic treatments accessible by honoring those who serve others. Through her 15% discount for military personnel, veterans, teachers, nurses, and first responders (or anyone who donates to Fidos for Freedom), she’s creating a space where self-care meets service. When you spend your life caring for others, caring for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s strategic.
Disclaimer
The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect the official policy or position of the U.S. Public Health Service, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, or any other federal government agency or entity. This content is provided for informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice or as representing the views of any federal government organization.